Growing up as a very shy kid, I have always had some insecurities in me. Mostly gained from other people’s assessment or at least a “joke” about me. It’s an unpopular topic which we’re all afraid to speak about, or at least anxious to admit to ourselves. Those things said about you which you prayed for back then to never recall nor happen again. I guess we’ve all had our fair share of oppression in life, may we be the offender or the one who get offended. Either way, all we need is love. ♥
What were my insecurities?
I was only in 4th grade when I entered the puberty stage. Yes, I was an early bloomer. I must say that I wasn’t skinny nor fat, but I guess I was more on the side of getting fat. At that time, I dislike how my nose appears as is. I find it too big which some people unconsciously instilled in me. I’ve mentioned my body size since turns out now that whenever I gain weight, I feel like it somehow affects the appearance of my nose too. Lol, anyone here who can relate?
Since I was in the puberty stage, parts of my body were starting to develop especially my bust. At that time, most of my classmates weren’t at the puberty stage yet. These were new to me, and to them. “Booba,” a stage name for a sexy actress with a big bust in the country was being labeled or at least compared to me. No offense to that actress since I admire her for her looks and wit. But at that time, as a young girl, I didn’t like that. I can still recall when we were asked to run or perform some physical activities during our PE class, I know I could run fast, but I felt so conscious and try to cover my bust with my arm.
As a young girl who was not even in her teenage years yet, I can still recall praying to God to change my nose and make it appear thinner or taller, and as for my bust to make it smaller. How foolish of me, I know. Good thing God ignored my immature prayer! Lol.
I wasn’t also comfortable with my skin since it used to be so sensitive and was prone to insect bites. It led to dark marks and scars. Good thing my skin cleared up when I was in high school. I’m still doing my best to improve my skin since some parts of my body such as my knees were quite darker than my skin tone.
Lastly, I’ve had so many moments when I wished I was taller. I used to be one of the tallest girls in our class during my grade school years. Our neighbors would often approach me and compliment how tall I was, in Filipino, “ang laking bulas mong bata.” I am the shortest in my immediate family so I couldn’t say it was in the genes. I guess some of the factors are sleeping late at night since I was in high school and not drinking milk regularly after I stopped drinking from the bottle when I was a kid.
How did I overcome my insecurities?
I have Jesus ♥
Being a believer of Jesus Christ all your life doesn’t make you a Christian alone. It was only in the early months of last year, 2017, when I finally had a more intimate relationship with God. It was only then when I got to meet Him personally for the first time. Through my relationship with Him, I get to appreciate myself and love myself more. He created each of us in His image and likeness which is why I felt so guilty for the times I wished I was like this and that. I am sorry for wishing I looked or made differently. According to Pastor Rick Warren, each time you do, it’s like saying, “God, I could do better than you.” It’s as if you’re playing God and thinking you were better than Him.
I believe that He made us for what He knows is best for us. He made us all unique and beautiful in His eyes. I am grateful that He opened my eyes to see the beauty in you and me.
Start with your mind because it affects your feelings and actions.
Always pray and don’t let negative thoughts get in the way.
Change is good for as long as it’s for the better, and not the worse.
Consciously make an effort to improve yourself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
Don’t let the opinion of others become the point of view of yourself too.
Make time for yourself. Me-time is essential to your well-being.
Accept your flaws so no one can use it against you.
See the beauty in others too.
Be proud of who and what you are.
Don’t let your past define you. Move on.
You’ve come along way, appreciate your success too.
Life is not a race, learn to seize the moment and relax once in a while.
Focus on your own path, and stop comparing yourself to others.
And most of all, stay confident and love yourself.
Thank you, Lord, for creating me the way I am, and for always reminding me that I am beautiful regardless of the society’s standards of beauty.
You know what’s in my heart and that’s what matters most.
These things which I used to call insecurities are now what I call as imperfections which makes me, me.
My imperfections set me apart from others, and I believe that’s what makes me beautiful. And my God thinks I am, and that’s good enough for me.
Hoop earrings from Rosegal
Choker necklace from House of Chokers
Watch from Laurine Watches
Black shirt from Zan Style
Jacket from Zaful
Pleated pants from Gorgeous Glance
Slip-on from Adidas
Let me just say that this is the most comfortable jacket I’ve had! It’s currently my favorite and I wore it in Japan a few weeks ago mostly on rainy days. You may get yours from Zaful.
Be sure to check them out.
To those who are interested, visit them on their website:
Meanwhile, you can check out my previous posts too! ♥
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